I Hate the Make-Up Counter Ladies and THIS is Why

I try to order all my make-up online (thank you, Interwebz!) because I hate the make-up counter ladies.  And this is why.  I had been horribly defunct in ordering online and was FORCED to go to the mall.  The mall is a humbling experience to begin with, what with all the 16 year old tiny, perky, blondes with Daddy's credit card.  But the Evil Condescending Make-Up Ladies are the absolute worst.  So I suck it up and go to the counter and deal with the Plastic Ones.  They are just so put together I feel like a slob on my best days.  As I go up to the counter, I immediately start to get nervous and uglier by the step.  I try and do a quick in and out-state my needs and get out like I've got the freaking mafia on my heels.  But, of course, we are close to Bonus Time and they have to sell sell sell.  She lets me know that for just a few dollars more and if I buy some, oh, I don't know (dramatic pause) *moisturizer*, I can get the free gift.  So would I like to purchase some (pointed pause) *moisturizer*?  No, no thank you Plastic Lady with a weird Southern Louisiana/Eastern Block European accent.  Ok, she says conversationally, but did she mention that the new (evil eyebrow raise) *moisturizer* they have works really well (glances at me over her glasses with disapproving, pursed lips).  Fine, fuck it, she has shamed me into buying the goddamn moisturizer because I am apparently by her determination am the severely unmoisterized version of the Elephant Woman.  You win Evil Plastic Make-Up Counter Lady!  You win.