Crocs Kill!

I have never made a secret of my absolute and total hate of Crocs. And now, finally, proof that the atrocities committed by the hideous footwear known as Crocs are not only limited to crimes against fashion. A father in San Diego is suing the makers of Crocs because his daughter's Croc-covered foot was sucked into an escalator and mangled. How freaking scary is that? Eaten alive by an escalator! While waering Crocs! I always suspected escalators were evil and/or possessed by the Devil*, and I KNOW Crocs are evil and now the two (three?) have joined forces to maim and eat our youth!! I did further extensive research on the matter (Google) and apparently the are dozens of incidents all over the country of Crocs and escalators trying to munch kiddie toes. So beware, Wearers of Crocs, prevention is the only cure for this pandemic. Save yourselves and your loved ones and for Gods sakes get rid of your damned evil Crocs!

*FYI, toasters are also commonly possesed by the Devil as well. True story.

I Met Cat Cora!

A few weeks ago, my Baby Daddy (as he now prefers to be called) and a couple friends and I all headed down to my favorite summer event on the Waterfront, The Bite of Oregon. This is a yearly festival in which dozens of restaurants and caterers from all over Oregon set up booths and sell samples of their food. There are also beer and wine gardens, and local celebrity chefs compete in their own mini Iron-Chef competition. In short, its freaking Heaven for The Wonk. An all-day festival of cooking, chefs, eating, and drinking (for the male and non-preggo peeps) in the sun! Yippee!
Last year BD and I got to meet Guy Fieri, one of our fave Food Network chefs. He was really funny and engaging, and won major points in my heart forever when he told my BD he was lucky to have such a cute girl (me)! Anyhoozle, meeting Guy (yes, we're totally on a first-name basis) set the precedent for my new yearly habit of stalking Food Network chefs at The Bite. Anyone who knows me, knows that some day I would like to kidnap and keep a small menagerie of chefs like Gordon Ramsey, Anthony Bourdain, Paula Deen, etc, in a dungeon so that I can release them at my whim and have them cook for me. I am a simple girl, really. I said a small menagerie. Which brings me to Cat Cora!! Cat Cora is the first and only female Iron Chef. She is of Greek descent and hails from the south, so she cooks a mostly Mediterranean-southern fusion cuisine.
First we watched her do a quick cooking demonstration:


Then we were able to stand in line for a meet n' greet and picture. Although I failed to kidnap her for my Secret Chef Collection, I have to say that meeting Cat Cora was truly a pleasure. She super pretty and teeny-tiny--shaking her hand was like shaking hands with a little raccoon paw. That's totally not even an insult, I love raccoon paws!

Here we are--I am the Giant on the left, obvs:


All in all it was a good day. The weather was beautiful and we had tons of yummy food!
Here are the happy and well-fed Parents-To-Be!:

Knitting Kninja

I finally started my knitting class about 4 weeks ago and couldn't be more pleased with my progress, despite the initial hiccup in getting going. I am taking a class at a Knit-Purl, a knitting shop in downtown Portland and am just loving it. The instructor is great, very nice and patient in a very zen-like way. I started knitting with the intention of knitting the baby his/her first baby blanky, which I still will do, but the teacher though I should start with a little cardigan as its pretty much just one type of stitch and will give me lots of practice before the blanky. This works out better anyway, because I will know the sex (Wednesday!!) before I have to pick a yarn color.

This is what the cardigan is supposed to look like (from Simple Knits for Cherished Babies by Erika Knight):


And this is what I have so far (with Feature Model, Lola):

Still a work in progress, but not too shabby!

FAILMOM

Excerpt from an email my mom sent me from San Francisco:

"I saw famous people today at lunch but I have no idea who they are. I'm sure you would know them, they were attracting some attention. ??"

Proof That My Mom is Kee-Razy

Ladies and Germs, I give you Exhibit A:


CHICKENS!!!

Yes, these are the chickens that live in my parent's house. Mind you, my parents don't live on a bucolic farm way out in the boonies with cows and a barn or anything. They live smack in Urban Portland, OR. She is trying to blame my brother for the appearance of the house chickens, but I am positive she is just using him as a scapegoat. And speaking of goats, I firmly believe these chickens are the gateway "pet" to more Urban-Living Farm Animals, like goats. I know she wants goats. I know this because my stepdad and I have had to talk her out of getting goats on several different occasions. She also claims there is a herd of feral goats roaming the West Hills. No doubt she knows this because they are the direct result of some secret goat-hoarding scheme she hatched up that went terribly awry.

Are You Happy?? No More Vaginacake!

It has been brought to my attention by a number of faithful readers (Mom and Boss Lady) that they are sick of coming to my site and being confronted with the Vaginacake again and again because I am too lazy to post. Or, as I like to call it, too tired from human-being-manufacturing conjure up the energy to post. But it seems like my energy is slowly resurfacing and I might be able to start paying attention my my little neglected blog here and give the people what they want--More Wonkiness!

I do have a few posts planned, but, alas, I cannot promise the full-force triumphant return that I would like to give. I do have certain obligations that must take priority. I am in the process of looking for a new baby-friendly home, then hopefully a move soon after that! I still have a couple other fun things I am trying to keep up with. I have been taking Pilates in the evenings and tomorrow night my knitting class finally starts! Yay! I still have to get going with Yoga, because I have a feeling in my tummy (quite literally) that I won't be able to do Pilates much longer. After that I will have to take care of a couple little things like "give birth' and "learn how to be a parent," but I promise that in the meantime will re-dedicate myself to you, my adoring public, and this blog.

Stay tuned!

Vagina Cake?

This is a cake that is now being sold at Fred Meyers in the Portland Area. Its supposed to be a cute, anthropomorphous watermelon with slice taken out of it. However, the location where the slice is taken from on Ms Watermelon is somewhat unfortunate.

Free Slurpees Today!!

Today is July 11th, or 7-11. In honor if the date today, all 7-11s throught out the US give away free 7oz Slurpees. Here in Portland its going to get over 90 degrees today which makes it perfect Slurpee drinkin' weather--and its free!

Wonk's Want of the Weak

Ok, I have been thinking about this meal for a couple days now. I have discovered through extensive research (Google)that there is even a WHOLE BOOK* named after what my din-din will be tonight.

Behold!


I am craving some Kraft Mac n' Cheese and complete with chopped up hot dogs and peas in it. And most likely knowing me some hot sauce too. To quote the ever-irritating Rachael Ray, Yumm-o!

*Ok, so it turns out that the book has nothing to do with macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, peas, or putting them all together in one glorious pot. I don't think it even has a single recipe in it. Its about teaching your kids how to pray and be thankful for stuff like food. Which is all well and good, but a rather misleasding title in any case, methinks.

Wonk's Want of the Weak

Ok, Peanut Butter isn't too far up the list of worst things for you, but in copious amounts it can clog up your whole digestive, circulatory, and, in extreme cases, respiratory systems. Its seems as though I can never stay full, especially in the mornings, but if I have me a couple tablespoons of some extra chunky peanutty goodness, I am good to go for at least a couple hours. But here's my naughty little secret that my brother taught me: Top off your peanut butter toast or crackers with some Long Duck Dong Sauce (Sriracha for the less informed, pictured below) and you have some Thai-flavored spicy yum yum for your tum tum! Granted, I eat almost everything with Long Duck Dong Sauce even in a non-preggo state, but it this case, a more normal person who cares for the spciy foods might enjoy it as well.



Bon Appetite!

Scariest Storm EVER.

Last night one I was confronted in the most terrifying way by one my of biggest fears. Anyone who knows me knows that I am scared to the core of thunder and lightning storms. When I was a child and a rare thunder storm occured, my parents would do the classic countdown (one-onethousand, two-onethousend....) but not to guesstimated the distance of the storm, but rather how long it would take me to run screaming for shelter in their room. To this day they still call and check up on me. The weather this spring/summer has particularly kooky here in Portland this year, and in the last 4 days we have had 2 HUGE thunder and lightning storms, not too common for us in the Pacific NW. I survived the one on Sunday pretty well, even with the emergency ticker on the bottom of the TV screen telling people to stay inside otherwise you WILL be stuck by lightning. I just turrned up the volume on the TV and pretended like people weren't being electrocuted by the dozens.
But last night was a different story. At exactly 2:45am last night my boyfriend and I were both woken up screaming and gasping (ok, maybe I was the screamer, but Mr W. was definately freaked as well) by the loudest, house-rocking clap of thumder I have EVER heard. The whole house literally shook and the cats totally freaked out as Mr Wonk jumped out of bed and went to go shut off all the fans and whatnot while I made sure I didn't soil the bedding. The rain started to pelt down so hard it sounded like hail. I could even hear the downstairs neighbors had be awakened as well and were sucrrying about. We stayed sitting up for a few minutes and waited for Aremegeddon, but the storm moved very swiftly away. We could hear the fading claps loudly in the distance. I was so jittery after that, I had a hard time sleeping again and had nightmares for the rest of the night. Most everyone in Portland and the surrounding areas have very similar stories. I think not one person got a good night sleep 'round these parts.

New (baby) Blog Alert

After much consideration, I have decided to launch a new blog that will be dedicated to posting about my pregnancy and I will be making it public. Eventually it will morph to the terror and trials of motherhood, but how about one step at a time for now, K Peeps? Even though it will be a challenge to separate my Wonky-Blog Life from my Mini-Wonk Blog Life as they are both inexorably entwined, I will maintain posting on this blog and try and keep the hormonal rantings where they belong on the other site. There will probably be some growing pains and separation anxiety, so please bear with me!

So if it pleases you, come visit Preggo Wonk over here!

R.I.P. Wine(o) of the Weak, But Introducing...Wonk's Want of the Weak!

As some of you may know, there have been some life-altering developments recently for The Wonk. Therefore, I am disbanding my weekly feature, Wine(o) of the Weak, and replacing it with a new feature, Wonk's Want of the Weak!

Now, I could write about all the healthy things I want shove down my gullet like all the obscene amounts of fruits and soups, but how vicariously fun is that? Nope, this will be dedicated to The Naughty Stuff.

Seeing as how this is stil very early on in my Knocked-Upness, there haven't been too many crazy cravings yet. That being said, there was one this last week that I had to have: EZ Cheese, Bacon Cheddar Flavor, with Wheat Thins.


Mmmmmm...EZ Cheese!

I am really hoping to get some freaky urges, and not the boring old crap like pickles with ice cream. I watch entirely too many cooking shows for my own good, so hopefully I'll get some good crazy-ass urges. One caveat-- I am going to try and stay clear of anything Paula Deen. God knows I'll be gaining enough weight and don't need to be pounding butter by the gallon, y'all!

Drum Roll, Please!

Its Big Announcement Time! There is a Mini-Wonk a-brewin'! Mr Wonk and I are both very happy and excited and can't wait to meet him/her in February.

I also may or may not be starting a pregnancy blog, that may or may not be private. I haven't worked out the kinks yet, but if I do decide to make it public, I'll let you know. If not, happy hunting trying to find it!

So far I am feeling great. Pretty tired, especially towards the late afternoons and evenings, but all and all, not too terrible. I am hoping I'll be one of those glowing preggo ladies that all other women hate. Knock on wood! Or don't. I'm pretty sure that's what got me in my current delicate condition. Hah!

Happy Birthday, Lola Pola!

Our Baby Kitty, Lola, turns one year old today!!

Then...


And now...

Big Announcement Coming Soon!!

Stay tuned.....

Wine(o) of the Weak!

I was thinking about what what to feature this week, and realized that I have not done a sparkling wine yet! So here we have Yellowglen's Pink, a sparkling wine from Australia. It is a mix of Pinot Noir and Chardonnay grapes which gives it the pretty pink color of a Rose. Its also comes in Yellow, which is only made of Chardonnay grapes, but come on! If you have to choose between Pink and Yellow, you just gotta go for the much prettier Pink! Its sells for $9.99 and its perfect to celebrate the beautiful sunny weather we are finally able to enjoy!

Neighborly Developments

Things have been pretty quiet downstairs since Girl Neighbor moved out and Butt Boy moved in. The dog seems happier because Butt Boy participates in exercising him, he takes very quick showers and never at my time in the AM, so thus the Shower Wars have ended. Boy Neighbor seems generally more content and friendlier. My BF and I were still unsure as to what exactly happened between the couple, who dumped who and why, etc... But now a few weeks have passed and she became a distant memory. Until last weekend. I was watching TV with my BF and saw a familiar car pull on to our street. I jumped up and ran to the window to confirm my suspicions as my bewildered BF was wondering what the crap I was up to. Once confirmed, I ran back into the room and announced that Girl Neighbor was here and brought the same friend who helped her move out for re-enforcement. Boy's car was there and I was DYING of curiosity. Mail pick up, random box of crap left over? WHAT??!! She left a couple minutes later. Luckily, couple hours later I happened to be in the other room when they returned, with the dog. Ok, so visitation rights. I get it. Mystery solved. Or so I thought....
Cut to a couple days later. BF and I returned from a movie only to see her car there yet again. Hmmmm. I just so happened to notice (ahem) that the car stayed there all night. What the hell? Reconciliation? Break-up sex? WHAT? And what about Butt Boy? He just moved in! Will he move back out? Will she move back in? AHHHHHH!!!
But as of yesterday morning, almost all questions have been answered. I was yet again in the other room reading when Boy Neighbor placed a phone call to a friend right under the open window. I was not eavesdropping, mind you. The dude was right under my window speaking with his outside voice. It turns out that they have come to a "friends with benefits" understanding but her friends are very opposed to that seeing as how he is the one who kicked her out(!) and they feel he is just following the "typical male agenda" of using her for what he needs. !!!! I have to say that after hearing this, I feel really bad for The Girl. They had been living with each other for about a 2 1/2 years, and who knows how long they were together before. He kicks her out, then decides he'll do her the "favor" of "letting" her be his f-buddy. Ouch. I can just feel her pain. She thinks this is a door back in to his life and maybe they can work things out. He doesn't want to deal with the hassle of having an actual relationship but she is still a hot lay and has already knows his sexy buttons and he doesn't have to go through the tedium of training a new one just yet. Boy-doucheyness confirmed. I don't think he is purposely using her, just being a dumb, selfish boy. Most people (women) can see this clusterf**k of an emotional disaster coming miles away, like her friends are warning her. But the poor thing can't see beyond her hopes and hurt. Oh, and just to add another layer of crap, I think he might be seeing someone else. There is some chica who is always at the house, but I can't tell if its for him, Butt Boy, or just a friend. Hmmmmm....

The Best New Show on BBC America

I discovered this show tonight on BBC America and it is both the most disturbing yet equally fascinating, awesome thing I have ever seen. If this show doesn't make you run for the floss, then go ahead and start saving up for your dentures now. Keep in mind, all of these people are still in their 20s.

Click here for an example if you dare (VERY graphic).....

This is Going Entirely TOO FAR!!!

High-heeled crocs. I have no words. Must go blow chunks now.

Wine(o) of the Weak!

Let's pretend for a moment that because its June, that it is warm and sunny day, with perhaps a slight refreshing breeze. Let us pretend that even though it is June, that we are all not still wearing jeans, sweatshirts, and our winter coats. But alas, its is still cold, windy, and rainy. I know this is weather is to be expected for the Northwest, but seriously Mother Nature, you're fired!

Anyhoos, back to pretending. On a really hot day, once it starts to transittion from dusk to evening, sitting outside and enjoying the breeze with a glass of really cold sweet wine is just the thing to cool down. That's what the 2006 Blue Moon Reisling by Bridgeview is perfect for. Its a Southern Oregon wine that is actually sweeter than even most other rieslings. Normally I wouldn't like that, but the blend of flavors in this one meld just right. Plus, at $8.95 a bottle you can't go wrong!

Remember to chill the glass too, like you would with beer. That will keep it cooler longer for maximun refreshment. Or just go ghetto and throw a few cubes of ice in there! I won't judge.

Cheers!

The Wonk

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Love,

Eloise

Wine(o) of the Weak!

This week I am featuring one of my absolute faves, the Menage a Trois Red Table Wine from Folie a Deux Winery.



Despite the tres Frenchiness of the name, it is actually from Napa Valley, California. It is a pleasant blend of Zinfandel, Merlot and Cabernet. It goes for exactly $10, but like I always say, you can always get in on sale for a buck or two less, you GD cheapskate!

Cheers!

The Wonk

Not Too Shabby After All

So IT happened last week. The day I have been dreading for months, nay, years now. I turned 30. Frickity frick frick. I thought I would just be all maudlin and lock myself in and watch Cocoon all day, but as a matter of fact, I had a pretty awesome birthday/birthday weekend! A recap:

My friends rallied for me on this dark day and made it really fun. My BF organized a dinner on Saturday for all of us at a new Indian restaurant downtown that was just awesome. We all laughed and caught up and had a generally great time. After dinner we went to one couples' house to play some video games. I may be one year older, but garsh darnnit, not any more mature! Somehow during the course of the evening, my BF and I agreed to go to the yearly Kite Festival at Rockaway Beach with another couple. So on Sunday, we got up WAY too early and our friends picked up and whisked us away to the beach. It was overcast, so there weren't as many kites as we hoped, but we still had a great time.


Not a lot of kites....


Mr Wonk and I.

Our friends have two awesome dogs that came with us, Stanley and Edgar. They just got Edgar the week before and he was only 7 weeks old when we went to the beach. He is a purebred Shih-Tzu and literally the size of a gerbil and just about the cutest thing I have ever seen.


Seriously cute. He practically needs bodyguards for his own safety.


Edgar, Daddy, and Stanley.

We got stopped by nearly every person out there to coo over Edgar, and there was an awkward moment when we were all pretty sure that a Japanese family was going to try and steal him.

We arrived back home about 3:30pm and were immediately invited to a BBQ by yet another couple that couldn't make it to the dinner because their babysitter bailed. we spent a few hours eating and chatting and generally having a good time. Its kinda good that they couldn't make it, other wise I would have been forced to wear this the whole night:



Yes, a princess crown with 30 on it and a blue feathered slap bracelet. Slap bracelet! I haven't thought about those in years. Granted, it wouldn't have matched my outfit, but a princess crown goes with everything! Right gals?!

I had Monday and Tuesday (THE day) off work. On Tuesday I made plans to go to the Portland Art Museum with Mom of Puppy, so we spent the morning there being followed by an over-eager security guard who clearly though we were planning a heist. We did manage to ditch him long enough thanks to a group of kids on a field trip so she could take some cell pics of the piece she was writing about for school and hauled ass out of there before we could get 86ed from the place. How sad would that be? 86ed from an Art Museum. On my birthday. We had a nice lunch and later I met my mom for some coffee and cake at a local bakery. I picked up some steaks on the way home and my BF grilled them up for dinner.

Boss Lady called while I was with Mom and let me know that I could come in half an hour late the next day, which was a very nice surprise. She generally does not tolerate tardiness of any kind. Little did I know that it was was so my team could put these on my desk:



They are literally 3 feet tall. I brought them home and Las Gatas just stare at them. But my team redeemed themselves by pitching in to get me Guitar Hero for my new Wii and also got me some pretty flowers. And I am sure they realize that all but one of them have their own birthdays coming up in the next few weeks, and there will be payback. Mwah-ah-ah!




Thanks for everything, everyone! You all made me feel special, well-loved, and very happy on my birthday!

Love,

The Wonk

I Couldn't Say It Better Myself

more cat pictures

Wine(o) of the Weak!

This week's selections is a 2006 Gnarly Head Old Vine Zin from California. Its a hefty and satisfying and quite delicious. My favorite pairing is with a pasta with a rich, meaty red sauce. The heaviness of the wine balances out and enhances the heaviness of the pasta nicely. And I am not too big on the pastas, so that's saying a lot.



If you want the fancy-pants review from the site, you can find it here.

So there ya have it folks! Go load up on all the naughty carbs and enjoy!

Cheers!

The Wonk

30 Wonky Things About The Wonk on Her 30th Birthday

1) My body does not Tolerate the Lactose. Which I find, frankly, just plain rude. I have to take a pill to eat cow-dairy.
2) I hate the way the the stupid pill for the dairy-challenged tastes. Like a lot. Tons. HUGE. More than Tums. Also, can I get a handicapped parking permit for "My Condition?"
3) I wish I could be both a morning person and a night owl. Right now I just have the night owl part down. Morning....not so much.
4) I can wink my left eye, but I do not have the ability to wink my right eye, which makes no sense to me. I can blink it, why not wink it?
5) I brush my teeth in the shower. It shaves like 3 very important seconds from the morning routine.
6) I can't keep a plant alive to save my GD life. The Blackest of Thumbs, am I.
7) Speaking of black, I spent a good 2 years of my life in high school telling people I was black as the result of a genetic fluke accident from being a Irish/Mexican mix because I thought it was funny. I am, in fact Irish/Mexican, and now have come to terms with not being black. I mean, seriously, I have freckles, and not the Morgan Freeman kind.
8) People were scared of me initially in high school. (See Number 7)
9) And it wasn't just because of the whole "I'm Black" thing. That came way later after people started to get my wonkiness. It might have been the skull rings, black leggings under cut-off jean shorts (that was in back then, btw), Red Hot Chili Peppers BloodSugarSexMagic T-Shirt, burnt black velvet converse (the bomb!) with pentagrams drawn on them, and a generally surly attitude. But the Grunge Era had just started and yadda yadda yadda, and there I was.
10) Did I mention that I went to an all-girls Catholic high-school? With Real Nuns!
11) I have truly been in love with my BF for over 10 years now, even though we have been together for just over 2 years.
12) I probably know more about current events and pop culture more than everyone else I know, but that's not getting me anywhere. Except for carrying on extensive conversations about Paris, Lindsey, Brit, Brangelina, etc....
13) I can't help that I know all this crap but can't manage to get a college degree in The Stuff That Counts.
14) I am taking out my tongue ring today! I got it on my 20th birthday and see it only fitting to take it out today marking the end of an era. Plus, its just about freaking time.
15) I still like Gangsta Rap. I can't wait until we are all in the nursing home together with our tats and piercing holes throwing signs at each other in the hall when we are being wheeled to dinner and rapping about bitches and hos. West Wi-ING, Baby!
16) Officially over half-way there!
17) I am totally one of those people that when a person dies in a movie, I could really care less. But if its an animal, I am totally distraught.
18) I love to read. I hope to have a real library for my books in my home one day where I can drink tea in a blanky and look out the window at the scenery. While listening to Gangsta Rap, of course.
19) I am trying very hard to get very technically savvy. I have a huge interest, but lack the innate skills or focus. But I am working on it and getting much better.
20) Even though I am trying to be a Grown-Up, I still might get my nose pierced soon.
21) I would like to be a vegetarian, and have been one before, but holy cow (lol!), I luvs me some good meat.
22) I love to cook, sometimes well, sometimes, umm, maybe not so well.
23) Because I can't just follow a recipe straight out, I always have to Wonkify it and it may not come out as intended.
24) I am obsessed with chefs, celebrity chefs (national or international) and all shows that involve cooking, especially competitive.
25) I am a savory, not sweet person.
26) Also, it MUST be spicy. As spicy as possible, like have the extinguisher close at hand. You may have to put my mouth out.
27) Last thing, about food (can you tell I am obsessed?), I LOVE condiments. Its what pretty much takes up the majority of my cupboards and fridge. And a desk drawer at work. (Note to self: call Xhibit to pimp my glove box into a condiment holder.)
28) I love sunny weather just as much as I do rainy weather. Which makes living in Portland a pretty good match for me.
29) I really really REALLY want a trampoline and someday will get one to play on. I am pretty sure I will break something while playing on it, but its a risk I am willing to take.
30) After months of kvetching and freaking out about 30, now that it has actually happened, I am surprisingly actually zen with it. I had a really good weekend with friends and a great day today, so I am cured! Yay me!

Getting Wii-Tarded!

I finally got my elusive White Whale today. The Coveted Wii Gaming System! I have been trying to get my hands on this MFer for months now. Granted, I could have gotten up in the middle of the night to go stand in line for hours like a Responsible Person, but I'm too lazy to do that. Naturally, I figured eventually I would just stumble upon a rogue Wii randomly at The Tar-jay or maybe The Sweet Baby BeJesus would leave one on my doorstep like a Prom Night Dumpster Baby. But my Dad, being as awesome as he is, totally hooked me up!




He asked me if I wanted anything for my birthday and at first I said no, but then it just popped in my head. Wii! I said well, if you do want to get me anything, the only thing I really want is a Wii. After explaining what exactly a Wii was, he did a lot of research and tracked on down and got me one! It came today, and in good timing. I was having a helluva day due to a certain client of mine I affectionatly call Dr. Evil (and not in the cool Summers-in-Rangun-Louge-Lessons way), and BOOM. Wii have arrived. **Angels Singing** FYI, you may not be hearing from me in awhile, due to an acute case of Wii-itis (an actual diagnosable medical condition, for realz). No need to call The Authoratayz, just chillin' with my Wii.

Peace out

The Wonk

Wine(o) of the Weak! With Special Guest Star!

This week I decided to mix it up a bit and share with you one of my favorite beers, the Lagunitas Maximus IPA.



IPAs are my favorite when it comes beer, and this one in particular doesn't mess around. It is very rich and has the perfect balance of flavor with the bittersweet edge that is the distinct flavor of IPAs. It comes in a 22oz bottle and packs a 7.5 alcohol level, so its perfect to pop one open and share with a friend.

Cheers!

The Wonk

My New Toy (That Also Almost Got Me Killed and Turned Me Into a Ho-Bag at Work)

I gave myself a little birthday gift yesterday. I bought myself a new BlackBerry Curve!!


I usually just get the freebie phone my cell service offers, so this is the first phone I have actually bought since my first cell! I meant to go get a new I-Am-Turning-Thrirty-But-Still-Can-Look-Hot-Outfit at lunch today, but got distracted by my new phone and spent my whole lunch hour in my car trying to figure it out. I had my windows open for my own protection so I wouldn’t asphyxiate myself like a forgotten dog/baby that gets left in the car while Daddy hits the bar/strip club/slots, but then a freaking bee flew in. BTW, bees hate The Wonk. They hate The Wonk so much that they can, with one swift stinger jab to the skin, actually KILL The Wonk. I was wearing a mid calf-length skirt (ew, skirt, but VIPs are in the office this week) and in my effort to exit the car as swiftly as possible to save my life, I tore the slit in the back of my skirt, to essentially, um, my slit. Now, if I have to get up from my desk, I have to wrap a sweatshirt around my waist, which kinda defeats the purpose of the dress code this week and just makes it look like I probably have a period stain on my skirt. Awesome.

Gone Fishing!

Well, not me, the boy-half of Wonk. He got up at the butt-crack of dawn this morning, grabbed his pole (that's what she said!) and headed off to the Deschutes River with his buddy. Although I am miss him this weekend, it also gives me some time to Do Whatever I Want. I slept in really late and didn't get out of bed until even later. I took a shower much later than that. I got my nails did (more on that later), rented some Chick Flicks that, to be fair, he usually will watch with me but I try to spare him as much as possible. I also straitened up the pad, went to the bank, the grocery, and donated some food, so I am not a totally lazy, selfish biatch. I am not sure when he is coming back tomorrow, but I am looking forward to another morning of sleeping in shamefully late at least!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to burning CDs, spying on the Newly Batchelorized Neighbor's shennanigans, hanging out with Las Gatas, watching my movies, and eating my favorite dinner of pate, brie, and crackers. Yay me!

The Wonk

Wine(o) of the Weak!

I decided this week because if the impending warm weather, to choose a perfect sunny-day weekend-afternoon wine:



Its from Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery from Washington. This wine is very sweet and light and just perfect for when you want to relax in the sun with a lovely glass of cold wine and a good book or foodie magazine. It runs at $8.99, a very reasonable price. And again, I am a big fan of the weekly sales that grocery stores always have. So grab a glass and a good (or trashy!) book, head outside and enjoy!

Cheers!

The Wonk

Some Serious Dramz Has Gone Down

Well. I have a major update for all y'allz about The Neighbors. Girl Neighbor totally moved out. For good. For evah. Wow. So its just good ole Boy Neighbor and New Dude all alone down there with the Asshole dog (who is really just the sweetest dog, not assholey at all). Is it wrong that I secretly am waiting to hear sexy-time noises to confirm what my BF and I joked about?? Is Butt Boy reason for the split up or the result?
So here is how it went down from my Nosy Neighbor perspective. One morning a couple weeks ago I saw her putting a suitcase in her trunk. Didn't think too much of it. Going on a trip? Visiting her sister? No biggie. But a few days later, my BF, who gets home later than me, mentioned that The Girl's car was back and backed up to the garage. Hmmm, I thought, that's something she's never done. So I casually went to look out the window (read: ran so fast I made those cartoon dust clusters come out of my feet. Because I am mature like that. When I look outside, not only is her car backed up and filled with stuff, but now the Butt Boy's pickup is backed up as well. Oh, BTW, Boy Neighbor is not at home during all this. So after awhile of not going to look out the window every 30 seconds to check on them (ahem), I see the the Butt Boy leave with a mattress. Yikes! He came back and she left a short while after and didn't come back.
Until Saturday morning. Saturday was The Big Move. My BF was working so he missed most of the excitement. Again, Boy Neighbor gone, Girl Neighbor is back with a Random Chick, and Butt Boy is there with a pickup full of freshly loaded furniture and helping them load up the girls' cars. It was a really nice day and I really wanted to go out and read a book or surf the webz outside, but there was no way I wanted to get involved in that Clusterf**k of Awkwardness.
Even though I was hedonistically preying on the drama of the Move Out, it actually kinda stresses me out in a weird way, even though we weren't close. You just don't like to see people the same age as you that have been together about the same amount of time and in a very familiar living situation like you break up. I keep expecting her little white car to be back in the driveway, but every night its the pickup. Very disconcerting. She's gone, Butt Boy is in, and apparently Boy Neighbor got custody of the Not-Assholey Asshole dog.
But let's talk about the real issue here. Does this break up mean that I really didn't win the Shower Wars, or is the break up because I shamed her so badly by winning that she had to leave. Because you know that comes down to everything, its all about me!

Wine(o) of the Weak!

This one is an oldie but a goodie. My parents have bee drinking Columbia Crest wine for years and it is the quintessential NW wine. I choose the Merlot this time, no matter what Paul Giamati thinks about Merlots and the people that drink them. I like Merlots, so deal with it Paul! Its a good steady wine, no tricks, which is true for all their wines. Anyway, almost all of Columbia Crest's wine are $9.99, an of course you can always find them a couple buckaroos cheaper on sale.



Cheers!

The Wonk

We Have a Winner!!

After much deliberation, my kitties and I have chosen a winner for the Bloggy Giveaways. I just want to say thank you to all the people who entered and I wish I could have given the prize to all of you. Thanks for the jokes!!!

The Wonk

Wine(o) of the Weak!

This week I decided to try a white wine. I used to think that I did not like chardonnays because I felt they were too rich and oakey. Then I tried the chard from Alice White and fell in love.




Its a little sweeter than most chards, which is why I think I like it. Its also from Australia, and it turns out I have a bit of a thing for Australian wines. And I totally discovered my love for Australian (and South African) wines when I lived in Amsterdam a few years (OK, its was 10 years. Sue me.) ago before it was hip. So there. I am not sure of the exact price, but I know its under $10. I think it runs about $8 a bottle. Click here if you want to read about its fancypants accolades, not just a recommendation from a dedicated wino.

Cheers!

The Wonk

Bloggy Giveaways!!!

Sorry, I am a little late in the game for this one but I am a little new to blogging. My Technical Advisor is baby-stepping me through this.
So I'm giving away a $30 Payless Shoe Source gift card to add to your cute spring/summer shoe collection, or for your kids with rapidly growing feet.

To enter this giveaway leave a comment on this post, preferably a really bad joke, then head on over to Bloggy Giveaways for more fun and giveaways. The winner will be chosen at random, meaning my cats Lola and Taco del Gato will be picking the name out for me much like they choose my March Madness picks. They're kinda like feline Ouija boards. Trust me on that. Keep in mind, Taco beat out a lot of humans in my work pool!! I will let the winner know Saturday afternoon. Good Luck!

The Wonk

Pic of the Day!!

Amy Wino, looking better than ever.


Pete Doherty. At least he has good taste in scarves!

You know, I am really not trying to pick on Amy Winehouse, or the Brits in general or anything, but according to a recent poll, Wino and Pete Doherty are the Number 1 and and Number 2 Heroine and Hero respectively for people under 25. Well, I think that they are fine choices. Just look at them! They just exude such positive energy! Prime examples of health and sobriety! I am sure every parent would be so proud to know that that's what their children are aspiring to be. The next generation of British kids are going to be sooooooo cool! Or dead. Not sure which yet.

But seriously folks, Pete does have rad taste in scarves. If you can be that screwed up, shirtless, and still sport some Burberry, your A++++ in my book. Oh, crap! Does that make me as crazy as those wacky Brits?? No, surely not! I am as sane as, ummmm, a totally sane person. Oops, gotta go. Nurse Ratchet says its time for my meds.

Creepiest Headline EVER!

I'll give you a hint. It involves nomads who might have small hands and possibly smell like cabbage.

Click here for the news story.

Pic of the Day!

Behold! Pete Burns!

So this guy is apparently very famous in the UK for several reasons. Partially for being in a band, Partially for his stint on Big Brother UK, and, hmmmm, what else? It seems like there is something I'm missing.... Oh yeah! He's mostly famous for being freakin' bloody bat-sh*t crazy! As you may have noticed, he likey-likey the plastic surgery just a bit too much. He also wears clothing that's made from the skin of endangered animals and brags about it on national TV. I'm totally serious. The fine UK Bobbies somehow picked up on this and secretly removed a coat from the Big Brother house and did DNA to confirm that it was in fact made of a species of endangered monkeys. Nice, well done. As if this is not attention whoring enough, a sex tape starring Ole Petey-boy(?) with his BF has recently, and "mysteriously" been "leaked" on to the interwebz. And I am soooooo going to try to track it down and watch it because I'm messed up like that. Actually, its more like scientific research (Right, Mom*? That counts doesn't it? I'm ready for my PhD now!). I just want to see how the, shall we say, mechanics of The Sex works with them. Does Petey still have a Mini-Petey? Do they do it in a heart shaped bed or a dungeon? Pitcher or Catcher? I am calling that he is versatile. So many questions.... Must get answers! I'll update after I have completed my thesis.

Peace out-
Dr. Wonk

*For alls y'alls that don't know, Momz is a kick-ass scientist. And should totally give me a PhD, for like, General Awesomeness, cuz I'm pretty sure that's like a totally real degree, yo!

My New Super Rad Kicks

These are the shoes my BF surprised my with as a gift the other night. He also bought himself the same ones, but in boy-version. Suh-weet!

Pic of the Day!

Here we have Jenna Jameson, ummmm, not looking like a duck?

Pic of the Day!

Pre-Sell Out. Cute Right?


Now. Blah.


Lily Allen, why must you turn into the typical Avril sell-out? Your music is so cool and fun and you claim to be resiliant against turning into a Paris-wannabe, but here you are dying your hair a color that can only be described as White Trash Blonde. Just be normal, keep cranking out the music and puh-lease try and stay normal and don't go all Amy Winehouse or BritBrit on our asses.

Wine(o) of the Weak!

So here we have it! This week I have chosen the 2006 Shiraz by Red Knot.



Being a Shiraz, this is a pretty heavy wine, but still quite delectable. Its from Australia, and gawd damn if the Aussies don't make some fine wine!

Click here if you want their fancypants "story" of the wine. Or don't. Its Wonk-approved. That should be all you need to know.

Cheers!

The Wonk

More New Features!!!

OK, I have to give credit where credit is due. I am a total nitwit when it comes to this, whadyacallit, "blogging" thing. I have two consultants to help me muddle through my utter nitwittery; my friend at work who is my Technical Advisor, and my BF who is my Think Tank Advisor. BF is the one who gave me the Wine of the Weak idea and he gave me another one a couple days ago. So as of now, I shall be posting what I feel is the Pic of the Day. This is based on my promise for celeb gossip and also my Technical Advisor's pledge to do a post every day for the month of April.

In honor of that, here ya go!



Good idea. Let Amy Winehouse hold your baby. Its not like she'll take shots while holding him or anything.

And Introducing....(drum roll, please)

I know that at the beginning of my blog I made lofty promises of pics of drunk celebrities, recipes, TV show reviews, etc, and I have failed you on almost all accounts. All I have done is go on and on and on about myself. BO-ring! Unless you count my "Kate and Allie" blog or my "American Idol" blog. Ok, now I feel better. To rectify this, I have decided to add a new segment to my blog called (wait for it...) the very cleverly tiltled: Wonk's Wine(o) of the Weak! This will be posted every Thursday so you have time to run out to get it and get your TGIF wind-down glass of wine on. I will be recommending decent wines that I like that will almost always be $10 or less. I live in the Pacific Northwest, which is rapidly becoming the new Napa of the wine world. I also just a couple blocks from John's Marketplace which is known for having the best and most expansive selections of beer and wine from all over the world in the Portland Area. And don't worry, I am not going to get all snooty and talk about the wine's legs and how it brings to mind summers in Rangun, yadda yadda yadda. Just that I like it.

And so here we have it! The innagural wine is the 2004 Syrah from Duck Pond Winery.

It usually sells for $10 a bottle. I like Syrahs and this is a really good one for not that much. Its very mellow and pretty light. So there you have it.

Cheers!

The Wonk


(See, I told you I wasn't going to get all snooty on you!)

Jimmy Kimmel Saves My Bank Account From Total Depletion!

I didn't even want to watch American Idol Gives tonight because I Can'tsanza me ANY of the contestants except for Carley who is probs getting kicked off tomorrow. But here I am, trying not to cry like a sissy to save face in front of my BF. And its his fault I am watching this emotionally manipulative Sally Struthers-esque dribble and its TOTALLY working on me. A fourteen year old HIV/AIDS positive and orphaned African girl who still does her homework? Annie Lennox sobbing? Katrina victims? Simon Cowell having a heart? What kind of evil Sally Struthers-AIDS-Victim-Hating person would that make me if I don't donate my entire life's savings plus, like, a kidney or two? Also, I really want to talk to Chackezie (sp?) because he has the coolest name ever. So as I am reaching for the phone (fingers crossed for the Chack-man!), Jimmy Kimmel totally serves Simon Cowell in what I shall now call "Nipple Roast 2008." It was awesome. Jimmy totally called Simon out on what every God-fearing citizen has ever thought but couldn't say to him about his wierdo nipples. They're almost as big as Bobby "Nipples McGee" Flay's. Almost. So it totally broke my guilt-tripped humanitarian mood and I still have an account balance that is not a blaring red color. Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel. Thank you.

OK- For realz, gots to get Oprah on your asses. It is a genuine reminder when those problems of the world are put in my face that when I am feeling stressed, down, or generally crappy about my life, that its really not that bad in the whole scheme of things. Not too shabby at all.

PS Sorry to the Boss Lady for the AI post. I know its banished from your life just like the Its Apostrophe is banished from mine. I just can't help myself.

An Open Letter to the Apostrophe in the Word "Its"

Dear Its Apostrophe,

I refuse to follow your stupid rules. Nothing personal, but I can't ever remember the stupid rule about possession vs contraction and therefore I banish you from my life. Spellcheck and that effing talking paperclip can suggest all they want, but you are dead to me. I am sorry, but seriously, go away or I will stomp your effing ass in the yard till I can't stompz youz no more. You and the know-it-all paperclip screw up too many innocent lives to put up with your existence. Again, not personal, purely professional. Buh-Bye.

Regards,

The Wonk

I Luvs me some Kate and Allie and Not Ashamed to Admit It!

The one good thing that came out of having the Zombie Death Flu is that I discovered that they play reruns of "Kate and Allie" on the WE Channel (Weeeeee!!  Television For Women!).  The WE Channel is awesome.  It also plays "Bridezillas" which is the best show ever.  Now that I have made this remarkable discovery about "Kate and Allie," I DVR it and watch it after work every day.  Just like I am doing right now.  And it is AWESOME!  I tend to latch on to certain sitcoms pretty intensely.  When "Friends" aired the final episode my best friend (who couldn't be there at the time because she was taking something called a "Final") called just to make sure I was OK.  Not just OK in the general sense, but OK in more of a in a suicide-watch way.  I can't even get into what the whole Brad/Jen break-up did to my psyche.  I was fielding calls for days from concerned friends and relatives who had shrinks on their speed dials just in case I had a mental collapse.  And let's not even start with "Golden Girls."  Holy crap, I love Betty White.

But I digress.  This is about "Kate and Allie."  I think my fondness for the show comes from one particular childhood incident.  This happened in San Francisco so I must have been 9 or younger.  Back then, I knew that when "Kate and Allie" ended it was my bedtime.  One particular day, I think there was a TV schedule change or Day Lights Savings and my parents didn't change the clocks or something because when I went to bed, I noticed it was just a tad too light.  But dutiful daughter that I was I went to bed, even though something felt wrong.  Maybe my parents' barely contained snickering was the trigger because after laying in bed totally awake and trying to piece all the clues together it finally dawned on me that a cruel trick had been played and I was the sucker.  I came stomping out of my room and confronted the perpetrators only to face two very unrepentant laughing fools.  I think I made them let me stay up extra last that night as penance.  And after all the mental trauma incurred that night, for some crazy reason, I still love me some frickin "Kate and Allie" enough to consume two episodes every day like it the best crack you can smoke from one of those shirtless dudes on COPS who always are wearing other peoples' pants. 

The Origins of The Wonky Weeze

My name is Eloise. I am not 6. I do not live at The Plaza. However, I can be a bit too much for people and then I get called weird. Some people might call it being "wonky." Some people meaning my BF. Don't get me wrong, I am not weird in an I-Will-Eat-Your-Babies-Bitch! sorta way. Its mostly that I have a wonky sense of humor that can make me seem wonky to others.  

I don't normally allow people to call me by any nicknames. My mom and my BF are the only ones who can get away with it. I won't even get into what my mom calls me. Don't worry--they are all nice! Just a bit embarrassing. I don't even notice when she calls me by her pet names, but when she calls me Eloise, boy, that's bad and I notice. Anyhoos, somehow my BF happened to notice that I am a bit more wonky than most and coined me The Wonky Weeze. So there you have it.  I am The Wonk, hear me roar!!!!  *very ferocious growling sounds* 

Case in Point

I received this email from my boss this afternoon that she sent last night:

"Ok Wonk - what do you know about Jayz [sp. Hah!] and Beyonce getting married?"

I done told you fools that its part of my job description to dish the celeb gossip. Obvs, you can tell from the tone of the email that she is very disappointed in me. And right she should be. (Can we say "damage control?") I actually knew about the impending nuptials last Wednesday (the wedding was Friday) but neglected to tell her because I honestly didn't think she cared that much. But I forgot about her luvs for The Rap, especially NYC originated. So I'll take the hit. My bad, I failed.

I Rule! Maybe.

Because I know you all are just dying, dying to know if the neighbors had in fact been properly schooled and did not mess with my shower this morning, I will tell you.  They did not.  I is a winner.  They is big losers.  

I shall now compose many, many new lengthly posts detailing the minutiae of quirks about my cats.  Because I know you love that so so so much.  Heehee!  But seriously.  I probably will.

List of Bizzaro Things My Kitten Will Eat

Proof.  She actually stole this piece of Totino's of my plate.  Notice there are even chili peppers on it.  

-Pizza.  With green peppers, sausage, and chili peppers.  She ate all the toppings.  Including the cheese and licked of the sauce and left the crust.

-Chinese food.  Especially the green peppers.  She even stole a chili pepper off my BF's plate.  We took that from her before she could eat it.

-Rice

-Cheese

-Deli Meats

-Seaweed

-Goldfish Crackers

-Pate

-Golf Course Grass

-Frosting

-Eggs, even raw

-Cupcakes

-Butter (she'll just lick it straight)

-Shrimp

-Clams

-Cheezy Poofs

-Cantaloupe

-Popcorn with butter and cayenne

-Chicarones

-Tulips

-Biscuits and Gravy

-Any Soup

-Holiday Candy

-Pine Needles

-Any dip we have ever eaten

-French Fries

-Peanut Butter

-Ranch Dressing

-Lasagna

-Anything pork related

-Salumi

-Our toes in the AM

-Only the most expensive cat food.  And its no wonder why.

My Cats Are Super Weird

Taco Del Gato and Lola, the Water Weirdos

I know I have been talking a bit too much about showers lately, but I have to explain how mega weird my cats are about the bathroom/shower. Every morning we have what we call "The Bathroom Circus." First of all, my cat Taco Del Gato, will only drink water from a faucet or a human drinking glass. Even though I put fresh water in the kitty bowl every day. When she hears a faucet or I put a glass on the coffee table, she literally comes running from wherever she is like a maniac. So every morning when I go into the bathroom, the cats come trotting in after me. They will bully their way in if they are late, no joke. Taco needs to get her faucet-water drink on and after a couple moments of careful consideration and self-analysis she jumps up on to the sink. Lola comes in and spazzes out on the towel rack, curtains, and windowsill for a few minutes, attacks Taco's tail, then patiently waits in the "hatching an egg" or "meatloaf" position until I get out. The second I exit the shower, Lola is in. Sometimes she goes in before I am done. And all she does is just sit in there. That's it. And she LUVS it. Why why why? She does this with my BF as well. We both have theories, his being much more rational. Mine is that she thinks its a chamber that will magically change her into human form and that she is concentrating on that *poof* like in Vice Versa. His theory is that she likes the humidity (assuming we get a hot shower). His theory is very boring and realistic, therefore mine is right. But the best part is when Taco, after drinking from the faucet for 10 minutes ( 5 minutes having being spent contemplating her existence in life or, like, just the faucet. I don't know which), jumps off the sink right after Lola gets in the shower and licks the water off the shower curtain. And there we have The Bathroom Circus, people. Welcome to my world. It's special.

I think I May Have Totally Won The Water Wars!!

Yippee and bow down MFers!! At exactly 45 minutes before I normally take my shower I heard the downstairs peep's shower on. I was encourage but not convinced I won. So I patiently waited (slept) until my time to see what would happen. And guess what? No other showers!!! No toilet flushing, no dish washing, not so much of a glass of water being poured! That's right, bend over biatches and take it! I owned you!
Ummmm, I hope. We'll see tomorrow.

OMG, I Officially Met New Dude!!

My mom came over tonight and insisted on poaching some bushes outside for "decoration" for a party she is having tonight.  I know.  She's kinda nutty like that.  So while we were pruning plants we happened upon The Dude and The Butt Boy and I was officially notified that he is a new neighbor.  Dammit.  They looked pretty guilty and that increases my suspicions that The Chick might be on her way out.  AHAH!  

They Might Just Be Plain Stupid

So again this morning, right smack at the time I have showered at every day for almost 3 years now, BOOM!, The Chick starts the shower.  Do they just not get it or is this some sadistic form of passive aggressiveness?  I know this all sounds petty, but the morning shower routine really sets the tone of the day. Bad shower = bad mood = bad day. Simple math. And the worst part is that I can't act out and be a jerk like them and take the hottest shower I can stand and leave it running when I am done because my BF deserves a hot shower in the morning too.  I cannot wait to see what shenanigans go on tomorrow.  

PS But I was a jerk today and I did flush the toilet.  Hehe.  I know, still petty.  But they need to learn whose time slot it is in the AM.  And I can play the passive aggressive game like no other!

I Hate My Stupid Weirdo Neighbors and Want to Blog About It

I could go on and on about the freaks that live below me.  And I think I will.  Let me explain the dynamics.  I live in an converted attic of a house in a a really cool neighborhood.  A neighborhood I have always wanted to live in, but it can be spendy.  And I got the place a while back and would like to move, but its so cheap here and I am too damn lazy and we're saving up for a house.  Anyhoos, because we all live in essentially the same house together (separate entrances), we share a lot of the same utilities.  Which brings us to the Water Wars. Basically these bastards eff with our showers all the time.  I take my shower in the morning at the same time every weekday, and somehow on random days, The Chick decides to shower at that exact time.  For like 45 minutes? Why, for crappity crap crap, why?  She can't be having a great shower either, but its not like she doesn't know when I get in there.  I was here first.  I have first dibs on hot water!!  Plus they'll flush their toilet right in the middle of our showers ALL THE TIME.  Seriously, you can't shut the lid and wait for like 5 freaking minutes?

List of Complaints:

They never check their mail (we also share a mailbox--and we'll get back to that).

They never take out or bring in the trash and recycling (yes, we share that too).

They like to move furniture in the middle of the night and bang crap around.  Every night.  OCD much?

They also do laundry (one thing we don't share) in the middle of the night--ALL night.  DING DING DING!!  Laundry's done!  Again, slight touch of OCD?

The Dude never works.  I have confirmed this because I was home sick basically all last week and he was always there.  He sometimes waiters at night, judging by his smock, but that's it.

I have never see either one of them walk their 2 year old black lab.  Don't get a dog to make you feel like a "real couple" that needs to be walked everyday if you're not going to do it.

I heard The Dude call the lab an asshole.  Wha...?  Seriously, who calls a dog an asshole?  Try training the poor little guy and not blaming him for being a lonely puppy and acting out.

The Dude's license plates have what he clearly thinks are his awesome initials (TNT) and year of birth. Douchey to the extreme.

I have to listen to them have sex.  And its not like hot, porn sex, just boring housewife sex.  If I have to know that much about your personal life, at least make it interesting and have like pacifiers and leather involved.  

On that note--back to the shared mail box.  I checked the mail (like I do everyday like a normal person, not like a practically unemployed person who calls their under exercised lab an asshole) and there was a flyer for the mailman carefully filled out by The Dude for Celebrity Nude Magazine.  I just do not have words for how inappropriate that is on many levels.  But after hearing the sexy-times, I can kinda get why he would need that extra umph in that area.

Which brings me to the whole point of why I am so worked up.  There is another New Dude that apparently moved in this past Sunday.  Butt Boy for the couple?  Because now they need some rent (re: sex)  help?  That's the speculation. But he is furthering the shower and parking sitch. For the past 2 days, essentially the moment my alarm goes off, the shower turns on downstairs.  Is this my new life?  Everyday with the Water Wars?  I will not back down and change my schedule for some random New Dude Butt Boy.  I will take the hottest showers and flush as much as possible!!!  HAH!